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CHILD LOSSCOPING

Pain Box Update

I recently was able to download my old entries from Caring Bridge. For my own  perspective I will be archiving some of them here. This entry was penned a mere 8 days after Chase's death. A lifetime ago. I offer the entry and an update on how it feels almost…
Julie
March 2, 2021
CHILD LOSSCOPING

Ground Control to Major Tom

I read a lot of grief articles. I think that's why I don't write more of my own. When something is said over and over I feel that it's redundant and unnecessary for me to rehash or reword the same. I find that the overarching goal of these pieces is to…
Julie
July 18, 2019
CHILD LOSSCOPING

The Year Without Chase.

Today Chase has been gone for 610 days....or 1 year, 8 months, and 1 day. Closer to two years than one. As I think we all do, today on this New Year's Eve I awoke and thought, "Wow another year gone by." But my immediate second thought was, "2018 is…
Julie
December 31, 2018
CHILD LOSSCOPING

Running on Empty

I haven’t “felt like” training much at all and it’s getting to the point where if I don’t start doing so more regularly I will either: 1) Not get to the start line because it’s obvious I can’t run a marathon 2) Get hurt trying to train because I have…
Julie
June 9, 2018
CHASE MEMORIES

Knowing Chase, Loving Chase

All children are special. I love talking to them and listening to their funny conversations and hearing their obscure yet pensive questions. They are each a gift and make this world a much much better place. Chase, like all children, was special. But he was also a different kind of…
Julie
October 6, 2017
CHILD LOSS

Angelversary

In my last post I made up a fake word since there wasn’t one to describe how I felt, so obviously I fully subscribe to new words being necessary in the nightmare of child loss. One word affectionately coined and widely used among bereaved parents is angelversary. But for me, I…
Julie
October 3, 2017
COPING

Nature Heals

I looked at this tree today and found inspiration. Look closely at how it's covered in knots--a tree's scars--which have now healed over but leave indelible marks of its long life's story. It leans precariously at a stark angle suggesting it may have been almost toppled by perhaps a horrible…
Julie
September 28, 2017
CHILD LOSS

Do we ever truly accept the death of our child?

Grieving is full of dichotomies. Grieving is unchartered territory, though generations have navigated the sea before us. Grieving is as unique to an individual as his DNA, yet there are universal truths. Grieving is holding on and letting go. Grieving is living with pain while yearning for joy. Grieving is…
Julie
September 25, 2017